Participation from the Peanut Gallery
Many of my dearest friends have claimed that the next time I date someone he should be prepared to be interrogated by them to make sure he is indeed up to Sizzle Snuff. If you were to participate, what kind of questions would you ask of a potential love interest of mine? Remember we are aiming to discover this man's character, his positive attributes and his potential quirks. Also, can he put up with a neurotic spaz like me? I think you've gotten to know me enough through reading this blog that you should be able to come up with something.
Ready?
Set?
Go!
15 comments:
Lushy to potential Sizzle-date: Do you like getting the shit kicked out of you?
Potential Sizzle-date: Not really.
Lushy to potential Sizzle-date: Good. Because that is what I will do to you if you do anything to hurt her. Is that what you want?
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin.
Oh, did you mean a different type of interrogation? :P
Is homosexuality a choice or genetic?
Are you for or against George Bush?
How tall are you?
Who is your favorite Go-Go? (I will accept any answer other than, "What is a Go-Go?"
Do you have a brother?
Do you own any yellow shorts?
(Slamming prospective date against the wall) Where were you on the night of the 13th?
Date (frightened): Uh...I don't...
Interrogator(fan of Ms. Sizzle Says): Were you watching Lost?
Date (confused): What? I don't...
Interrogator (throwing him into a chair): Not fast enough! Next question: if you worked alongside Sizzle, and she just got a new cubicle because an employee stepped down, and she was putting her stuff away almost immediately, would you, a)assume she had no tact and was maliciously disrespecting the other employee b)following her boss's orders and therefore procedure, or c)was told by the Mother Ship she will leave the Earth in approximately 12 minutes, 17 seconds, and she must be ready for work for the next week by finding her new workspace and getting accustomed to it, before she saves the universe from exploding?
Date Candidate (feverishly): Well, let's see...
Interrogator: C? Did you say C!? Wrong answer!
(Pulls chair from underneath him).
Sorry for the 'other' comment; blogger beta is driving me crazy.
Suppose Sizzle were to come home from work one day and tell you about this vision she had about being chopped up by a fan in the parking garage...What would you do?
(Only answer taken HAS to end with:
- then I would kiss her and find her more endearing)
Are you a cat person or a dog person?
Do you understand the importance of fabulous accesories?
Are you related to any single firemen in Pennsylvania or New Jersey?
I think it would be most productive to subtly, but reasonable quickly find out how he feels about his mother and why his last serious relationship did not work. If the two answers seem related - RUN!!!
Hmmm... where to start?
Is there ever a time that socks with sandals is okay?
Have you ever put a hole in a wall?
If so, why?
Are you polite to waiters/waitresses?
How often do you talk to your mother?
(lack of fashion sense, violent tendancies, no consideration for others and too much mommy are all deal breakers and can be revealed in four easy steps). :-)
Do you have hips like a jackhammer and can you rrrrrroooolllllllll your r's?
To your potential suitor: I'm going to need full financial disclosure, doctors' reports, and the answer to all of Bre's questions.
Do you blog? (If he answers, what's a blog? move on)
Do you prefer X-box, Playstation, or Gamecube? (Best answer: hmm? I don't play video games- well, unless you count DDR at the arcade once in a blue moon. Also acceptable: I'd much rather play pinball. Worst answer: I'm saving up for a Playstation 3 so I'll be able to make a proper comparison.)
(also, I love Bob's 'who's your favorite Go-Go?')
i need your social security number, you driver's license number, and medical records. and oh, i'll be running a background check.
also, do you have any secret love children or marriages that need to be brought to the forefront?
are your parents still married? and if so, do they still like each other?
do you have a good/healthy relationship with your mother?
do you have a job? can you at least take care of yourself?
all very important questions to me...
If Ms. Sizzle snaps her fingers at any time of the day or night, will you be ready for immediately lovemaking?
What makes you laugh?
What makes you cry?
What makes you laugh until you cry?
What makes you cry until you laugh?
Why are you crying?
Stop laughing!
Why are you such an emotional trainwreck?
When you are lost, do you:
A. Keep going around in circles.
B. Listen to Sizzle's directions.
I like Jenny's questions...
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