Friday, September 08, 2006

I Want To Be A Robot

A few years ago I read my horoscope and it said, "You know you can't own love, Aries." That simple statement struck a cord in me. I hear it in my head when I am obsessing or over-thinking about love. It's hard not to want to take something that feels good and special and declare it "Mine!" That was, after all, the first word I ever spoke.

Wanting to own love can really ruin a good thing. Being impatient plays a big role in it too. Like once you declare you like one another then it's supposed to follow some certain trajectory course and when it veers from that, everything is out of whack. Logic tells me there is no set course- that love, above all, never follows the plan you set up in your head.

Why can't love just listen up and do what I say? Hmfph! {pout}

I know. I know, ok! Where's the fun in that? But who wants to wonder why he didn't call or if you ask a certain probing question, will you seem too nosy or blahblahblah. It. Hurts. My. Head. I wish I was one of those people who was free with love and didn't care about monogamy or fidelity or deep soul connections. If I could just get on the friends with bennies (FWB) bandwagon, I'd be set. Or if I could just settle for good enough instead. Oh please. Who am I kidding.

I have noticed more recently that when someone let's me down I do an internal checklist and come up with a consequence. A punishment. Such as: So-and-so didn't call like they said they would. That's it. If so-and-so wants to hang out with me on Saturday, I am not going to. And I won't return their call if they do call me. For three days.

Take that.

Um... That is some fucked up thinking. Of course, I don't act on it. But the mere fact that I think like that? Ding ding ding. Problematic. Big time.

That's it. I am going to be a robot. It'll be much easier.

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FYI: I am participating in 2,996 on Monday, September 11th.

15 comments:

Lushy said...

I don't think it is a problem to think like that, but acting on it is. It's the same thing with jealousy. I don't think jealousy is harmful until people start acting on it. This type of thinking is just a way to process anger without acting like a nutjob.

JustRun said...

I sometimes find myself doing the same thing. I want consequences and justice, damn it! The thing is, I'm the only one that pays.
I need to learn the definition of bygones, if only for my own sanity. :)

Neil said...

You might want to be a robot. But who's going to change the batteries?

Margaret said...

I dated a robot and it didn't work.

Circe said...

I always overreact in my head when I get torqued with someone. 'Ok, I'll fix you.' Then I come up with vengeful scenarios and how I will act on them. Fortunately, reason prevails and calmness and maturity once again gain the upper hand, but by golly I sure do THINK about it! :)

hugs,
circe

Mr_Rodacre said...

you cannot be a robot, sizz. It is umpossible. you have too many emotions to be a robot.

plus you're way cuter...

besides isn't the 'not knowing' part of the fun of a new relationship?

Dustin said...

Hey, robots have a tough time with love too.

goldmoon said...

I do the 'internal punishment' thing, too. Hey, if you don't act on it, who's to know? Well, everyone who reads your blog...

snackiepoo said...

It's so easy to say that you're gonna push the assjacket who does not call out of your mind but the internal you really can't forget it...I think it is in most female DNA, unfortunately.

Love is one of those things that really does come when you least think about it. Even for stinking robots.

Lynn said...

I've tried the robot thing. I can't make it last.

gorillabuns said...

as you can see the "swingers" way of returning calls doesn't work. you end up leaving 300 frantic voicemails to no avail.

easier said than done, but go with the flow.

Bill said...

Being a robot would be fine except they have no imagination. And in all the sci-fi movie their boobs are made of metal or else they shoot bullets. Very disagreeable.

btw ...not sure if I'll participate in 2,996 or not but I found it alarming to discover when I do Google search that my name is the same as someone (firefighter?) lost in 9/ll. He sounded like a very good guy.

Sorry if this sounds confusing. I';ve suddenly got people chatting at me. Otherwise, this would have been a very profound comment.

inky said...

I am also partaking in 2,996. And tonight I am going to see the movie WORLD TRADE CENTER. Peace.

Nihilistic said...

But all the robots in the movies always malfunction and end up killing people...so that means your robot would malfunction and end up breaking everyones heart all over the place!

Melliferous Pants said...

Sometimes I think life would be a lot easier if I were a robot.