Saturday, July 22, 2006

Dive In

It is 75 degrees and overcast. It is 9:00am people. Grossout.

When the weather is already in the 70's before 11, I'm fucked. I did not move to the Pacific Northwest for hotter weather. Um, no. Definitely not. Weather gods? Why must you hate me so?! You know how I hate to be sticky.

I grew up in Silicon Valley before it was known as Silicon Valley. It got hot there but we had a pool. A pool not only is a fabulous way to get exercise, it's also a total "in" with the cool kids. A pool is a coveted thing in a town that reaches the 90's in the summer. Everyone wants to be your friend.

Before we got a pool though, my family went to the Cabana Club. Typing that now makes me think of some sort of beach brothel but it was a family-oriented clubhouse with a pool, activities and a swim team. Dokey and I were on the team- the Dolphins as we were called. We wore uniform blue suits and went to practice and meets. The meets were always at some ungodly hour but they boasted of donuts and hot cocoa so we didn't complain too much.

The thing about swimming is that I was good. Really pretty darn good for a fat kid. In the water, I was weightless. I rocked the freestyle stroke. I won a lot of ribbons, many of them first place. At least, that is what my memory has decided to retain. I'll have to check with my mom for verification purposes. Swimming yesterday at a local pool with my sister brought back lots of memories. Of practices and stroke techniques and how to breathe while swimming. Kinda forgot how that last one worked but quickly found out after I sucked some water up my nose. Ouch.

It got me to thinking that there are so many things I unconsciously gave up because they didn't allow me to hide. From reading this blog or even from meeting me in person, you might believe me to be a confident and courageous woman. Sometimes I am- moreso in certain areas of my life than others. But it struck me yesterday, while I was kicking my way back and forth across the pool- there are a great many things I do not do because I am embarrassed of my body. My level of uncomfortableness has reached a high point and that is not a good thing. At all.

So I am making a list (because, you know how I love a good list) of all the things I don't do because I am fat. And then I am going to make serious strides to change my outlook, my life and my body. Life is too short to not be living it 100%.

13 comments:

Nihilistic said...

Can I come swim in your pool?

JustRun said...

Fo sho!

snackiepoo said...

Amen, sistah sledge.

I used to love the swimming too....I need to work on one of them thar lists ;)

question girl said...

and that is why i joined the 24 hour gym in town that HAS a pool... it may be further from my house than the other 24 hour gym, but it HAS a pool... i figure - if everyone is there to get in shape, who am i to care that i am fat walking across the pool deck....

ok, so i try to tell myself that each time i go but it doesnt always hit my brain....

i feel SO MUCH stronger now that i am going again.... 2 months ago i could bairly do 1/10 th of a mile... now i can do 1/2 a mile AFTER my lifting workout

i have a LONG way to go before i shed the word "fat" from my self discription, but i DO feel better and have more energy (and since i go late in the evening i sleep hard every night)

Claire said...

Good for you. Good luck with it!

Neil said...

So far from experiences at the gym, most people are so self-absorbed with themselves, that looking at you is the last thing on anyone's mind. I honestly think that if a naked woman walked through the gym, most people would just continue on the treadmill listening to their iPods.

SJ said...

This is a great list idea. I was just thinking the other day about all the things I don't do "just for me" anymore. Time to change that.

Mikey said...

Guess who's back on line? ps the interview with ryan white's mother is posted. I also want to hook you up with a blogger up there.

Melissa said...

At times I have found my courage more fleeting than fame. I found that really tacky tshirts make me feel better in the gym. I bought 5.

"If I had balls they'd be bigger than yours."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"I should be in the kitchen" next to a barbie silhouette.

"It's not PMS, it's you."

and "I *heart* transitive pictograph verbalizations".

Bre said...

I'm a people-checker-outer, I check them out everywhere... just to see. Except the gym... eye contact doesn't seem to be the thing at my gym.

But otherwise... amen.

Bill said...

I could live with the heat if I were living by a beach, a short stroll to the lake (or ocean, if you so choose).

But I did discover one of the keys to battling heat.

btw ... from my experience, a couple of those and you won't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about your body or anything else. You'll just smile and say, "Fuck 'em." :-)

sue said...

Amen.

Becky said...

Great post. I read the ones above first, and dance lessons sound like a great idea. I was looking into swing or maybe rowing to get my ass out there, too.