Thursday, May 11, 2006

That Bugs (My Current Top Ten)

10) Accidentally finding out Chris Daughtry was getting voted off AI when I googled Priscilla Presley. Did anyone else notice her belly? Is she pregnant? Isn't she like 60 or something? And why did she pick out a joker's smile when she got a new face?

9) Welch's Grape Juice kids.

8) Being asked if I am PMS-ing. No, I am not. Can't I just be really annoyed? Have you SEEN my chin zit? Doesn't that explain it all!? (See #1)

7) The counter girl at the FroYo place. Why is she so unhappy? Why did she put white chocolate chips when I asked for peanuts? Why does she hate me so? I hate white chocolate chips. She should eat some sprinkles and find her smile. Or get a new job.

6) People who answer their cell phone when they KNOW they don't get any cell reception in that area and thus engage you in an on-going conversation that consists of "Can you hear me?" "I didn't hear what you said." "Can you hear me now?"

You know what? On second thought, I don't want to hear you. Click.

5) The price of gas.

4) The tank top wearing, lame tattoo sporting, mid-life crisis car driving, bowl haircut dude who stood at the drive up ATM and made, what appeared to be (from the passing of so much time) numerous deposits, a withdrawal, a sperm donation and maybe, just maybe, filled out an application for a personal loan (in triplicate). It's a DRIVE up ATM window. Do you see me in my CAR wanting to use this drive up ATM? Please fuck off.

3) David Blaine. No explanation needed.

2) My landlady. She is uber-annoying. I have met her twice in the two years I have lived in this house but now that we gave notice, I have seen her every day for 4 days in a row. My life is now complete.

Not so much.

She hired a gardener because she needs to impress potential renters. She came over yesterday to check on his progress and somehow managed to lose her purse in the 3 minutes she was outside. I saw her drive away then return 5 minutes later. Then saw her stare closely all around the front yard, accost Meagan to borrow her cell phone as she was coming up the walk and then leave again only to return 10 minutes later, go into the backyard, lift the garbage can lid and remove her purse. Good God. She should not be allowed to drive. Maybe she previously suffered some sort of brain injury?

1) My chin zit, which I am convinced is some sort of pod for an alien offspring. For serious. It is hideous. And big. It's the kind of zit where anytime anyone looks at your face, you just KNOW they are staring at your zit- not your eyes or your mouth- your zit. When my housemate, who has been known to not notice if I cut my hair or color it, says: "What happened to your face?" I know it is Bad with a capital B. Supple suggested I post a picture but really, I want you to keep liking me and maybe thinking I am cute- so just remember me this way until after the alien offspring is born.


Mrs. Ca said...

That's a good top ten. I'm annoyed by a lot of those things too, especially when I'm in a bad mood and my husband looks at where I am in my birth control pack to judge if I'm in "the PMS zone" before he says anything to me. Hope your chin zit gets better, or at least that no one notices it. Those are the worst!

kapgar said...

I've gotcha on 3-6. While I can't really relate on the rest, I'll offer you my sympathies all the same if that's cool with you.

Solonor Rasreth said...

Damn! I didn't make the list AGAIN. That's like the 4th time or something.

Must. Try. Harder.

Melissa said...

It is most definitely one of those days. I woke up, walked around the house, decided it just wasn't going to be worthwhile, called in sick and went back to bed.

Half of Lawrence of Arabia later and the world is looking a little better.

Mikey said...

I need a tranq. after seeing AI last night. I don't think she is pregers. I think she is just getting fat!!

GirlGoyle said...

Ok I'm literally traumatized by the pic of Priscilla Priestly. Doubly traumatized since I was told at a recent party that I resemble her. God please tell me that woman was on bad crack. I DO NOT look like the spawn born out of Marylin Manson's butt that PP has become! Even Dr. Phil can't fix me now!

Rosie said...

I currently have an alien baby on my chin too! In fact, I have TWO of them (but at least they are symmetrical.)

Someone once told me that chin zits are a sign of unreleased anger.

I don't know, but it is the ONLY place I get them and I guess judging from the size of them, I must be REALLY angry!

Bob Merrick said...

Maybe you are the one carrying Tomkat's real baby... so unfortunate that it is in your face because it definitely wasn't in katie's belly!

And his sperm donation at the drive-thru made me spit my coffee!

Thanks for that!

snackiepoo said...

Okay what is it with fro yo people? Do you know how insane my husband and I are? We drive to the fro yo place further from our house rather than the one down the street because at the one down the street works "eat a sandwich" girl. She is all skin and bones and is always miserable. I think it is because she has no arm muscle to life that yogurt lever up and down!

Gary said...

What zit? I don't see any zit.

Sizzle said...

gary- exactly! that's a pre-zit photo. remember me that way. ;)

snackie- ha ha ha! eat a sandwich!

bob- that's what i am here for friend.

rosie- sister in zit hell. i feel your pain.

girlgoyle- did that person have some sort of vendetta against you? how cruel! i am sure you are the pre-surgery gorgeousness that was priscilla.

mikey- but JUST in her belly? it is odd.

melissa- ah, that sounds like bliss.

solonor- next time. promise.

kapgar- much appreciated.

mrs. ca- thanks for the sympathy!

Amanda said...

LOL..good top 10! I was thinking about doing the same thing today, but alas..too many to count. :P Hope your list dissolves quickly!

Dagny said...

If I had been at the fro yo place, I would have ordered one with white chocolate chips. Of course then I would have received one with peanuts and we just could have traded.

I feel ya on the chin zit. Hopefully it will disappear soon.

sandra said...

My god, those Welchs kids are irritating. But not nearly as bad as the fucking twins on the (now defunct) 7th Heaven. I hate them.

JustRun said...

This list is so entertainig. And it also reminded me that I need to have more fro yo.

jjjj said...

Yah I was greatly furious Chris was voted off.....Sorry about the zit, I have one on my neck....huge crater....and Priscilla...yowsers. Would Elvis really like American Idol?

Bre said...

Don't you hate getting spoiled for things like that?!! It drives me insane.... and I must know.... what's up with the grape juice kids?!

Jill said...

Ok, the mental image of a man standing and a drive-up ATM making a possible sperm donation is hysterical. I really wish he'd done that, too.

Nihilistic said...

We have the same landlord!!