Friday, May 19, 2006

Crumble, Grumble

I am barely awake but here is what is going on in my head. I'm stressed. Little things stress me out double because there is already a blanket of stress laying over me. I'm emotional. Watching the Will and Grace finale (which sadly demonstrated how good the show once was and how it has spiraled down) made tears well up in my eyes. It's the idea of good-bye. It's poking holes in me all the time now. When someone is dying, it's called "anticipatory grief." I think I have some of that.

Work is not easy. It tests my diplomacy skills daily. This week has been particularly challenging and today presents even more challenges. Part of being a supervisor is being able to convey constructive criticism, to bolster an employee's confidence and increase their skill set. It gets complicated when you are also friends with your employees. It's too late to turn back now but today and in the next few weeks, I am going to have to walk the tight rope of emotion at work. I'm going to have to find two replacements for my one job (the duties have been split onto two positions), train them, get everything in order, make sure everything makes sense and is in order. . .I'm just realizing that this might not all happen as I hope. I think I will call this feeling "anticipatory disappointment." (Didn't I get enough of that in my love life?)

My calendar is filling up. Places to go, people to see. I have to pencil in rest. I have to make sure everyone gets enough time. I don't want to leave with regrets. I guess I have a pretty tall order for myself with this move. Once again, I'm stacking up too much. It'll probably topple. At least for this weekend I have time with Dumpling driving up the coast (please don't let it rain), time with my mom in Monterey shopping and doing girl things and time with my book group (the second to last book group I will ever go to- I've been meeting with all of them for 6+ years). I even read the book this time (highly recommend it).

I know I am going to get through all of this ok. I know that the PMS makes everything magnified, particularly the emotions. Ask me Monday how I'm handling things. My perspective might be a bit more in focus.

11 comments:

alissa said...

Sending good thoughts your way.

xoxo

kapgar said...

Hope it all gets better.

And, yes, Katie and I watched the W&G finale last night. We skipped CSI for it. How's that? It was incredibly good. I'm glad we watched it. And I agree, it's saddening to realize that the show was actually this good before.

JustRun said...

I can't really say I can imagine a change like you're making right now. I can't imagine the good-byes and the transition. I don't know how I'd handle it. I will say this though, you believe in it and that, if nothing else, will get you to the next step.

W&G was good. Watching that one took me back.

gorillabuns said...

endings and finales are always bittersweet and sad but beginnings and new adventures are exciting. here's to getting through the tough times with finesse.

Claire said...

Hang in there, Sizz. Take some deep breaths when things are wearing ya down. Change is usually stressful, but this one is gonna be great.

Mrs. Ca said...

I hope this weekend is everything you want it to be. A drive up the California coast? Sounds incredible to me. You'll have to post pictures if you take any so I can escape for a few minutes to California in my mind.

sandra said...

Validating to know that your job is being split into two positions (since you were always swamped) or just annoying that you had to do everything.

As for W&G, we DVR-d it and I'm kind of excited to see it...!

Nihilistic said...

I have been where you are...well, just not with PMS...its very hard. So hard sometimes you actually wonder if you can make it...if you should change your mind. But once that day is here! Things change...things are so much different...You'll be fine. And look back on this post with relief!

jjjj said...

I didn't watch the finale of Will & Grace but.... is Grace pregnant? How did it end with all four? Please enlighten!!!!

Melissa said...

Keep in mind that the people who love you now will love you even when you are a few hundred miles away. That's why the baby Jesus endoresed road trips.

ocg said...

You are a rock star... and like it or not - even with all of these things on your plate - the next few weeks will come and go, regardless of what you get accomplished in your busy schedule. Take the time to breath and rest and appreciate where you are... and see your friends, they are what you will remember and also what you will miss the most.