Tuesday, March 14, 2006

She Has No Legs

Some of the shows on TLC freak me out. Like Sunday night as Mikey and Meagan and I were sitting around in a post-eggplant parmesan/wine induced coma, we saw a listing for "The Woman With Half a Body." Come on, how can you not click over and check that out?!

I really appreciate my life after watching that show. I mean that. Sincerely.

Rosemarie was born with sacral agenesis. She has no legs and walks on her hands or uses a skateboard to wheel around. She got engaged on the Maury Povich show. (Classy!) When I watch shows like this, I automatically want to know a) how do they go the bathroom and b) how do they have sex. I know, I am sick and wrong and should have the decency not to wonder these things. But I don't. All my P.C.-ness flies right out the proverbial window. Wouldn't you wonder to yourself if you saw a woman with no legs, walking on her hands, if she had a proper working vagina? I was going to be so sad for her if she didn't.

Just as I was asking that question aloud, the story turned and Rosemarie was (gasp!) pregnant. So she DOES have sex! Her husband quipped that her legs don't get in the way. Har har. Har? Really. That's just kind of a weird thing to say, is it not? He also said something like, "I didn't notice she didn't have legs." Come on buddy! No one is buying that. I mean, it is great that you don't see her as different than anyone else because that is how she should be treated but are you trying to tell me you don't notice? You got down on the ground to speak with her the first time you met her but you didn't notice? Riiiight.

About the time we learned that she did indeed engage in fornication, I started to wonder about positions. Sexual positions if you will. Because of course, when being inappropriate, why stop at the threshold, right? So I am wondering, did her lack of legs limit or increase her abilities in the bedroom? That's when Mikey said, "Maybe she uses that Cambodian Sex Basket thing." Wha!? First of all, Mikey hardly ever talks about sex unless I back him into a corner (imagine him looking frightened and desperately wanting to flee) so him throwing out that tidbit was startling albeit hilarious. I hadn't heard of this "Cambodian Sex Basket thing" though he claimed he had "heard about it somewhere." He looked it up on the internet to prove it to us. Turns out that isn't its technical term and it really isn't a "basket." And come on, I already knew all about that. You did too, didn't you? It's ok. I won't tell.

What was scary about this story was not the fact that she lived a difficult (and inspiring) life without legs. It was her family situation that frightened me. Her brother was particularly scary- prone to violent fits and even though he was in his 20's, he operated at about an eight year old level. He would fight with them and not shower. He was a handful and his angry fits made me nervous. Her dad had emphysema (hooked up to an oxygen tank while smoking = smart) and suffered from early signs of Alzheimer's while her mother had recently passed away. She and her husband and her child moved into her childhood home to take care of them. I was laying on my couch with a glass of wine thinking about how I didn't want to do the dishes and how my toenails needed to be repainted and here she is climbing up on stools to cook them spaghetti and taking her kid to little league softball. I really have to stop watching these shows.

Perspective. It's an eye opener. Damn you TLC! Thank God for the Food Network.

16 comments:

Amanda said...

Haha! I have had those same thoughts myself!

Mikey said...

Have you seen the guy around town riding his skateboard with only half his body? I has wondering the same thing about him.

Lushy said...

I bet the skateboard can come in handy.

jeopardygirl said...

Don't sweat it, Sizz. Everyone wonders about stuff like that when we see people like her. It's natural. Not PC by any stretch of the imagination, but natural.

And yes, thank God for the Food Network. Ours up here is a little different, of course, but at least we get Rachael Ray and Good Eats. :)

ocg said...

I went to a fondue party with the girls not too long ago and we played a board game called “Would You Rather…” In it we created some of our own questions and one was, “Would you rather be missing a leg or an arm.” This girl that I had just met for the first time (and apparently my long lost soul sister) said, “A leg of course… imagine the sex positions you could get into without that in the way!” I immediately agreed… off with the leg…
(Just joking God)

Perspective is an amazing thing, isn’t it… my life’s complaints are so completely trivial at times that I am embarrassed…

Kerry said...

We are really blessed that we don't live a life like those we see on Jerry Springer.

circe said...

HAAHHAH, Oh Ms. Sizzle, you and I should watch TV and drink wine sometime....The questions we would come up with and that would spout forth from our mouths!
:)

I would have asked the same thing and then some....

Mr_Rodacre said...

I am glad you watched it and told me about it so I didn't have to watch it myself.

You're like the Cliff Notes of TiVo.

Rabbit said...

You know, maybe I'm naive, but I can almost believe that initially he didn't notice she had no legs. Of course, that's because he was checking out her rack at the time . . .

Nihilistic said...

He noticed...

I would have wondered the same things.

And I'm so thankful for The Cartoon Network to keep me away from wondering these things too often!

gorillabuns said...

i love to watch surgery shows but the ones with missing limbs, 300lbs tumors and rare diseases, i simply can not watch. i'm afraid if i watch them someone will be afflicted with one of these tragedies in my family.

Jacynth said...

Is it sad that the first thing I thought was that she would never have to "get on her knees"?

Moonchild said...

Sweet Mother Earth my mom and I watched comatosed the very same show. Followed up by the Half Ton Man and then the story on the dwarf's.... Fucking strange yet like a crime in action, we couldn't stop watching.....

Mrs. Ca said...

I only watched part of that one before my husband came in the room saying "You watch the weirdest shit on tv." and I changed the station so as to not get teased (even though he watches Nascar for hours at a time - tell me that's not weird). Anyway, I too thought about the sex thing, so thanks for the update! I like the show "Untold stories from the ER" but can only watch it when my husband is not in the room because it grosses him out.

Kevin said...

I wish more people would throw P.C.ness through the window when speaking. Way to be!

While I don't know Mikey as well as you, the idea that he just threw "Cambodian Sex Basket" out there really doesn't surprise me much. ;-)

Helena said...

Man, I need to get a television up in here...I miss TLC like crazy!

And I echo the sentiment that those are TOTALLY the first things I wonder.