Sunday, December 11, 2005

On My Mind . . .

It's been a weekend of random thoughts. I jotted some of them down to compare them with yours. What kinds of things do you think about inside the deep recesses of your brain?

If I stick this knife in the toaster to retrieve my bread, will I really get electrocuted like my cousin said I would? Or was Grandma just trying to scare him when she told him that? (I did it anyway.)

Maybe I should clean my belly button. Am I supposed to use a q-tip? What if I injure myself? Remember that time that guy you were dating stuck his tongue in there and got some lint? Yeah, that was embarassing. Jesus, Sizzle, why do you have to remember those kinds of moments?

Is Toxic Shock Syndrome real? Or is it something that the Tampon industry made up so women will buy more tampons?

Uh oh. My little light thingy on my dashboard has turned from green to yellow. That must mean "warning." How bad is it to not change the oil in your car when you are supposed to? Wait. How long are you supposed to go in between oil changes? Crap. How many miles are you supposed to get that tune up thingy?

Does wanting a boyfriend make a woman less independent? Am I too structured and completely closed off? Why has it been a year since I had a relationship? Mr. Grass doesn't count. I refuse to count him. Just because he declared his love for me over the phone probably while he was high does not constitute a relationship. Don't argue this with me. Maybe this lady knows what she is talking about? I'd like a combo please- a metrosexual cowboy.

Are the lyrics to that song "Just Once" actually about masturbation? He talks about "holding on" a lot but he just can't seem to "make it last." How sad. . .It is either that or it's a passive aggressive love song.

What do you serve a group of people that have particular eating requirements? No fish for two but for one of them, meat is ok. No meat for two but for one of them fish is ok. Low-fat, healthy options for three others. No mushrooms for one and no onions for another. At least they all drink. And like chocolate.

25 comments:

alissa said...

If you hop on one foot after sex, does it really insure you will not get pregnant?

Follow up question: Is this a reliable form of birth control?

Lizzie said...

I've always wondered about toxic shock syndrome too. Let me know if you find out the answer, Dr. Sizz. ;-)

Ikatron said...

Toxic shock is real and it is caused by tampons by using ones your body isn't used to or for leaving it in too long. I had a friend in high school who almost died from it and this is why I don't use them.

sue said...

Chocolate... and alchohol. Works for me.

PseudoIntellect said...

While toxic shock syndrome has never really been relevent to me, the knife in the toaster is interesting enough.

I'm not blind, my face didn't freeze, and, after the stitches came out, I was running with scissors again in no time! Of course, I was wearing clean underwear...

Neil said...

From the song:

"Make the magic last for more than just one night"

That's a long time.

Jenny said...

this is why we are friends.

Bex said...

spiked hot chocolate. yuuum. baileys works, so does butterscotch schnapps or maker's :)
man, i love chocolate and alcohol.

Mr_Rodacre said...

What does it mean when my car's airbag light flicks on and off at random intervals? Am I fully protected in case of a crash? What if I am not? Can I sue even though the light was acting odd?

How much cologne should one actually wear - should one decide to wear any? And why do most men wear way too much?

Why can't I ask for what I want and express how I feel? Do I have feelings? And if so - why?

If I stick my arm out the window of a moving vehicle (particularly a school bus) or up in the air on a roller coaster, will it get chopped off?

Are all women clincally insane, or is it just the ones I choose to date?

Mr_Rodacre said...

Also - I love that song... but I do not think it means what you think it means...

the belligerent intellectual said...

If you stop to consider what your belly button is, you'll realize that the last thing you want to do is go sticking things in there. What if you pop yourself?

ocg said...

Sizz- I was just contemplating the toaster thing last week with a friend... great minds...

I like that I am not the only one with randomness floating throughout my mind…

whoorl said...

Did you really stick your knife in the toaster? SCARY!

Such a daredevil, Sizz...

Amanda said...

Ummm...I always stick a knife in the toaster...sometimes a fork. Er..maybe I should stop? (smirk)

Aimee said...

Ohhh, so much food for thought here...

First, meal options. Maybe lasagna -- one meat, one veg. Or how about fajitas? Lots of chopping involved, but it allows everyone to have just what they want, and you could extend the theme with margaritas, mojitos, sangria, cerveza...

I have so many random thoughts... It's nice to know I'm not alone. One gift-giving thought: When someone lets you know of something you could do / get for them, and you follow through, is it because they asked you to, or because you wanted to? And what if you did / got something else instead? Would it be because you were being creative and thinking outside the box, ultimately trying to do / give more, or are you just cheap / clueless / rebellious / not paying attention?

And along the music lines, I was stunned years ago to hear that in the Counting Crows song Mr. Jones, Adam's singing about his penis. That kinda kicks it up a notch!

Ben O. said...

What exactly does a Metro-sexual/Cowboy ride into town on?

Ben O.

The Witch said...

I use tampons and I have never had Toxic shock syndrome. I refuse to wear diapers. Thank you.

I have been sticking knives in toasters for a lot of years now and am still alive to talk about it. I have saved money as well because I haven't had to get a perm in a while. And as far as you go, sizzster, you need to take a break and let out some steam. Come on over, I can fix us some martinis and we can talk about boys. :)

Nihilistic said...

That song will never be the same to me now...

Bill said...

What kinds of thoughts? ... Oh my, that's opening a Pandora's box ...

Why are some tongues thick and meaty and some thin and snake-like? That question popped into my head when I unexpectedly shook tongue-hands with a woman I had a fondness for and ... Whoa! There's a tongue I didn't expect to encounter!

Why do women think you're after sex when you want love and love when you want sex? (Oh yes, there's at least a year's worth of therapy behind that question.)

Why do people rush to get to jobs they hate? Fuss and stress to complete tasks they think are stupid? Rush to the mall to buy crap for people they don't care about?

Why do adults care about how they and others smell, but children don't - except when someone farts loudly, in which case they laugh?

Who is the idiot who decided that men's sports jackets don't need pockets anymore? Probably some idiot who thinks sex would be better without genitals.

Why does a semi-hard-on feel better than an actual hard-on? (I actually wrote a post about that but never put it online because everyone I asked about it thought I'd lost my mind. But I'm telling you, nothing feels better than being half there. And I'm not outta my head!)

I'd better stop before I go off the deep end. The ideas that pass through my mind ... well, let's just say it's better than TV.

Her Daddy's Eyes said...

I can't breathe...thank you Sizzle, I so needed this. You have got to be the funniest EVER! I adore you!
Each and every time I hear "Just Once", use a toaster and am tempted to stick a knife in it, or clean my belly button, you will be there and I will crack up! This is a classic post and should go down in history!
~Eyes

goldmoon said...

My two random thoughts yesterday: Where exactly do you get stem cells and why are conservative groups against them? and What was the Vietnam war REALLY about? Wow, those are deep. I think I need a drink and to lighten up.

goldmoon said...

I suppose I should have said, "Why are conservative groups against USING them." Because you can't really be against stem cells. That would be like being against spleens.

Melissa said...

Did you know that if you unbutton your belly button your birthday suit falls off?

Moonchild said...

I serve a potluck. There's a little bit everything for everyone. And if not, drink a lot of booze.

double B said...

Somewhere between 3000 and 8000 miles between oil changes, give or take. If you don't change your oil, it gets dirty and then starts to cause friction on your engine parts and THEN... your car and engine come to a screeching halt when it is most inconvenient (say, on the freeway at 70 mph). Of course that is the worst case scenario, and usually doesn't happen until you skip a couple of oil changes, but just so you know... blah blah blah