Make Me Over

Guess what I have done all day?

No, I didn't work. Though, don't remind me- I should have.

Guess again.

No, wrong again, I haven't been languidly lying in bed with a hot lover. Did you HAVE to bring that up? *sigh*

One more guess.

Well, kinda. I mean, I DID wash the dishes. Does that count as cleaning the house?

I have done absolutely nothing today. I haven't even left the confines of my home unless going out to the mailbox counts. I have spoken to one person on the phone. She called as I was throwing up. Yes, you heard me right. I threw up. I know, gross. I am sorry. But I am trying to tell you about my day. I want you to know me. To understand the inner workings of my daily life. This includes bouts of nausea and long episodes of neurotic banter...with myself of course.

Remember how I said I hadn't been feeling all that good the last few days? That I had that mysterious sore throat that I attributed to keeping silent about things that needed to be said? Yeah, that one. Well, an acupuncturist I know and work with suggested I pop by her office for some herbs. She gives me something called "cold away" which, by its very name, would indicate that I would soon be feeling in tip top shape if it in fact did what its name implied. Cold- AWAY! You are supposed to take 4 tablets 6 times a day but not with food. That's kinda difficult. And these pills? They aren't petite. They are rather large. I hate taking pills. I have to shove them into the back of my mouth because, of course, I can't be normal and just toss the pill in my mouth and swallow it. No. That'd be too easy. I am actually kind of embarrassed about how I have to take pills. I tend to turn away or go into the bathroom when I have to take Advil or something. I have always had this problem. I don't see it going away.

So I woke up at 7am and took the herbs. I took all four. I went back to bed. I woke up again at 9:30am not feeling so great. Like queasy and unsettled. I made some mint tea and laid on the couch. For an hour I sat there thinking, "I am going to throw up." I tried to do some Lamaze breathing- it's good in these kinds of situations, not just during birth. It didn't help. I went into the bathroom and puked. My kitten came into watch which unnerved me. Why is puking such an emotional thing? I start to negotiate with myself- if I can take three deep breaths, I won't puke. If I throw up, I won't be able to eat chocolate for a week. Stupid stuff like that which never helps.

So while I am hugging the toilet, the herb lady is leaving me a message. Weird! I call her back and she says, "You don't sound too good." Ya think? "Yeah," I say, "I just threw up." I figured she should know, I mean, she gave me the fucking things. Funny that none of her patients get sick. I suppose I should stick to Vitamin C and tea and sleep and steer clear of the Chinese Herbs. I am so un-Santa Cruz.

This is why I have done nothing all day. I have watched bad movies on TV. Jeanine Garafulo in The Matchmaker- bad. I don't care if there are Irish boys with hot Irish accents in it. It's bad. She wears horribly short skirts and very long jackets that make it appear as though she is not wearing any clothes at all. I've watched make over shows. I am certifiably obsessed with makeover shows. Just the clothing makeovers. I had my Tading Spaces phase and am past it. Now it's all about What Not to Wear (the BBC version being the best) and How Do I Look? which is bad, even I will admit it and sometimes Ambush Makeover.

I have successfully wasted a day. I hope tomorrow I wake up feeling better and don't turn the TV on once.