Thursday, April 14, 2005

Flashback: 1993

This week's horoscope for Aries: I think you are ready for your once-a-decade reminder from Anais Nin about the hazards of not growing. I first brought her pithy quote to the attention of the Aries tribe back in 1993. It had a salubrious effect on many of you, dissolving some of your crystallized fears and speeding up your evolution. Let's hope it works the same magic this time: "The day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (P.S. Think back to where you were in 1993. It's time for you to leap to the next level as you resume working on a long-term project you began back then.)

In 1993 I was 20. My father had just died from lung cancer. I saw Maya Angelou for the first time ever and was transformed. I was accepted to UC Santa Cruz. I got a horrible perm on top of a bad dye job making me easily mistaken for Carrot Top. I wore beanies a lot to hide that hideous hair-do. Jenny Two Times, Joe, Dokey, D, Teresa, Robert, the Tomato, Don, Phil and Chris were regularly kicking it at my Mom's house. I wrote a lot of poetry. I drove a 1974 VW Super Beetle, metallic burgundy, convertible. I attended De Anza Junior College and thought I would major in Creative Writing. I had a mad crush on this long haired Native American guy that I would ogle from across the quad. I worked at Michaels Arts & Crafts. I got my wisdom teeth removed and no amount of Vicadin would ease the pain. I wore 1950s housecoat dresses with old man sweaters and converse. I traveled to England and Wales with my sister and Mom. The whole world was ahead of me and all things seemed a brighter possibility in the wake of terrible grief.

It was a big deal for me to move away from my family and go to college, particularly so soon after my Dad's death. I needed them. They needed me. Something that big changes the family dynamic. 1993 marked the beginning of my life as an adult, away from the safety of those who I grew up with, who loved me but maybe limited me in the scope of how they saw me. I was able for the first time to act as an adult- find housing, negotiate living arrangements with a roommate, feed myself, make new friends, get good grades, smoke weed if I wanted to, sink or swim on my own merit- and it was scary as hell but fabulous nonetheless. It was certainly a year that marked great risk. And blossom, yes I did. Interesting that my horoscope would take me back to that particular year- one of intense transformation.

6 comments:

Bob Merrick said...

Easily one of your best ever posts...

Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sizzle said...

see? that is why i love you both.

Anonymous said...

I loved your walk down memory lane in a year that will always remain our most life changing year, no matter what else comes our way. I walked right along side of you then and I still am. No matter how grown up you get -
m

Sizzle said...

This is why my mom is awesome.